


The Photographic Adventures of Fili and Kili

by Elenhin



Category: The Hobbit
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-18
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2017-12-29 18:23:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 4,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1008569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elenhin/pseuds/Elenhin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili and Kili are on a journey to Erebor, and experience a great many things on their way there. Absurd jokes, puns, and some very strange characters not commonly found in Middle Earth…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. part 1

The Adventures of Fili and Kili part 1

Fili and Kili just starting out on their quest, qurently crossing the computer-room floor…The lovely Valentine gift my husband gave me, all the more romantic as Lord of the Rings was our first date, and we recently celebrated ‘Hobbit Aniversery’. Further reports of their quest to reclaim Erebor will be posted as made…. ;)


	2. part 2

The Adventures of Fili and Kili part 2

Fili and kili on their adventure to reclaim Erebor, they left the computer-room early last night and spent the night trying to cross the heavily trafficked hallway. Dodging Coca-cola and Hess trucks for several hours they finally were able to continue on their way.

Will they manage to pass safely through the living room….??

Stay tuned for the next stunning adventure of Fili and Kili…


	3. part 3

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 3 

Having put the dangerous crossing of the trafficked hallway behind them, Fili and Kili now approaches the living room and the dangers residing there. The first one being the Star Wars shelf. Between Death Stars battles and Light sabre duels it’s a dangerous section indeed. 

Will they be able to dodge X-Wing fighters and stray droids? 

Will they manage to continue? What dangers lurks near the Monty Python section? 

Stay tuned for the next step of their journey to Erebor….


	4. part 4

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 4  
  
Having managed to slip past the Death Star and the battle between Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader, Fili and Kili made their way around the loudspeaker. Unfortunately no one warned them about the Monty Python Killer Rabbit with sharp pointy teeth in the Monty Python section…..  
  
Upon facing said monstrous monster Fili leapt in front of his brother to protect him with his own life if he had to, but preferably just with his swords.   
  
Will the Dwarves survive where the knights from the Monty Python movie did not? Will they have rabbit for supper? And even if they are victorious against the Killer Rabbit with the glowing red eyes, what will they encounter next in this living room of peril…..   
  
Stay tuned for the next update of the Adventures of Fili and Kili on their quest to find Erebor….

 


	5. part 5

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 5  
  
When we left our two Dwarves they were just facing down the Monty Python killer rabbit, now, facing this terrible foe, there is only one thing that can save them…  
  
Will they be able to use this one weapon?  
  
If they do, what peril will they encounter next, and is the Monty Python section then truly in the past?   
  
Stay tuned for the next part of the adventures of Fili and Kili….


	6. part 6

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 6  
  
Fili and Kili escaped the deadly killer rabbit by using the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. However that does not mean that they are past the perils of Monty Python. As they soon discovered when they came face to cow with the Mighty Cow-Catapult.  
  
Will they be able to pick themselves up and go on, and what is that lurking in the shelf behind them??  
  
Stay tuned for the next part of the adventures of Fili and Kili….


	7. part 7

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 7  
  
Once they were able to dodge the Cow-Catapult Fili and kili thought they were past the worst of the Monty Python. That might have been true, but even so there are other things to take into account.

Who would have thought that there might be an angry toaster with the Battlestar Gallactica??

Well, Lee Adama would, but Fili and kili did not… now, they know better….

Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili...


	8. part 8

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 8  
  
In spite of Fili’s statement that it could not get any worse, it did not really get very much worse at all for our two Dwarves.

The only thing they encountered as they passed the kitchen table in the living room was Ash, and as he had no chainsaw at hand, and the Dwarves are not some sort of un-dead ‘Sam Raimi’ kind of zombies, he really had nothing against them and thus let them pass.

This time they need not worry about the dangers under the table, but they might want to be wary about what is above the table….  
  
Stay tuned for the next episode of the adventures of Fili and Kili….


	9. part 9

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 9  
  
Having found out that Ash was only interested in killing zombies, and not Dwarves Fili and Kili thought they would be able to pass through the living room without further hassle.   
  
However they did not know that in the living room lives a certain amount of gun-happy redneck-bears who were only too happy to greet them, in a typical ‘redneck gun-happy’ way of course. Such is the ways of the living room that you never know quite what you will find, so beware of the bears…  
  
Stay tuned for the next episode of the adventures of Fili and Kili,


	10. part 10

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 10  
  
Fili and Kili while deeply appreciative of the support they are given on their quest decided that perhaps it was time they showed they are not to be trifled with. Having spent the whole of the weekend avoiding vengeful bears, this hardly was surprising.   
  
To show that they mean no harm but will defend themselves they took up arms more suitable to the average VOLVO than perhaps to bears, should it be necessary in the future.   
  
Now, isn’t it a good thing that there are Dwarf sized tools to be had?   
  
Stay tuned for the next update in the Adventures of Fili and Kili…


	11. part 11

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 11  
  
Continuing on their quest to Erebor Kili and Fili were quite surprised to find they would not only be passing Volvos, but also dragon shelves. Naturally, given Smaug, they were not overly fond of this idea.  
  
Shall they see any dragons, do they want to see any dragons? What did happen to the Volvo….???  
  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Kili and Fili

 


	12. part 12

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 12  
  
When last we saw Kili and Fili they had just entered dragon country. For all those of you who might have wondered, or watched ‘the quest for Camelot’ too many times, no, they are not looking for a magic sword, and there are no two headed dragons…  
  
There are however several dragons, and one of the brothers would quite like to keep one of them for a pet. It is possible that Fili has been spending too much time with Iolaus.   
  
Is there anything worse than dragons here, what could be worse than a dragon, or cuter??? Will Fili ever get a pet of his own?  
  
Stay tuned for the next chapter in the thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili….

 


	13. part 13

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 13  
  
As Kili refused to allow Fili to bring his own baby dragon, the two of them continued through dragon country. Unfortunately they are not quite sure about the way. Dragons are perhaps not the best guides.   
  
Also, there are not only dragons you need to worry about, there are other odd creatures and plenty of them.   
  
How will Fili and Kili react to someone who hugs crocodiles for a living? Will Fili want a pet snake as he was denied a pet dragon? Do crocodiles make good pets? And what will our favourite Aussie do?  
  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili…

 


	14. part 14

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 14  
  
Not at all deterred by their encounter with the Crocodile Hunter Kili and Fili continued bravely on their quest. They did however detour around the suggested Rocky Mountain Rattler, probably a wise choice.   
  
Even so, they are not quite out of dragon country yet, and there are more creatures than dragons in dragon country.   
  
What will they encounter? And will it be good for marshmallows and hotdogs???   
  
(Also, Fili and Kili would like to say that if anyone has lost any fire breathing dinosaurs, they can be collected in the lost and found on the third floor…. )  
  
Stay tuned for the next adventure of Fili and Kili….

 


	15. part 15

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 15  
  
When last we saw our two favourite Dwarves they were in dragon country, a place they have now left behind them. If they shall see more dragons however remains to be seen for dragons can be found in more places than one.   
  
Still they continue on their quest, and Fili continues with a more personal quest, to find his own pet.   
  
It is however not easy to find a pet in a place where everyone is either mad or crazy. Even if a creature is cute it does not mean it will make a good pet.   
  
Stay tuned for the next adventures of Fili and Kili…..

 


	16. part 16

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 16  
  
Someone, no names mentioned thought it a good idea to warn me to keep the Dwarves out of the kitchen, this of course meant that Kili and Fili suddenly was aware of the existence of the kitchen… Up until that time they had not yet realized they could venture in there.  
  
Glad of the chance to explore something more friendly than dragon country, and excited about the prospect of finding food our two favourite Dwarves eagerly headed to the room of rumoured food. Luckily for them, the fact that they are only three inches high was not as troublesome as it might have been, and they were quick to explore the possibilities.  
  
What will they find? I don’t know, I am in possession of the kitchen only because it was attached to the house upon purchase.

Will there be food for them?

Will it be edible? And why is it all that evil colour???  
  
Stay tuned for the next adventure of Fili and Kili….

 

 


	17. part 17

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 17  
  
When we last saw our two Dwarves, they had just wondered into the miniature kitchen. Now, they have also had time to uncover pots, pans and the odd turkey.  
  
Will they be able to cook the plastic turkey?  
  
How does plastic turkey taste?  
  
Can you blunt a plastic knife or bend a plastic fork?  
  
Find out this and more, possibly, later. Stay tuned for the next adventure of Fili and Kili…..

 


	18. part18

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 18  
  
Even after a visit from Fili and Kili recent pictures and eye witness evidence show that the kitchen is still standing. Our two favourite Dwarves have been able to cook their meal without any casualties.  
  
That is, aside from the Plastic turkey that did give it’s life, after a brief attempt at escaping fate.  
  
What will they eat after the plastic turkey is gone?  
How will the closing of the ‘build a bear’ store affect them?  
Will they be able to enjoy their meal in some semblance of peace, or are there any more Killer Rabbits lurking in the salad?  
  
Stay tuned for the next adventure of Fili and Kili….

 


	19. part 19

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 19  
  
After a meal of plastic turkey the boys found themselves quite thirsty and started looking for something to drink.  
  
Looking for drinkable wares in a gigantic kitchen has advantages in that what you do find you will find in large quantities. Unfortunately as our two favourite Dwarves also found out, this means it can be a little too large.  
  
How do you drink from a beer stein twice your size?  
  
This is when a true big brother shows his worth, letting your little brother stand on your shoulders so he can reach the beer, and hoping that he’ll be sober enough to return the favour.  
  
Stay tuned for the next part of the adventures of Fili and Kili….

 


	20. part 20

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 20  
  
When we last saw the Dwarves, Fili was lifting his brother up so he could reach the beer. This is really how you can tell a good big brother.  
  
This time we see that Kili is just as good a little brother. Before climbing down after he had had his fill he made sure that Fili would receive his share of the beer.  
  
He did however make it easy for himself by using a straw rather than lifting his brother.  
  
What is important though is not the method used, but the beer received.  
  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili…

 


	21. part 21

 

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 21  
  
Kili and Fili are impatiently waiting for their Uncle Thorin to join them. He’s rumoured to appear around the 4th of April, unless he loses his way again.  
  
To keep the two impatient Dwarves occupied they have been offered to make use of the Thorin Calendar, counting down to when their Uncle is likely to arrive.  
  
This time they were both quite excited to find Bifur, having already uncovered Balin.  
  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili

 


	22. part 22

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 22  
  
Since Fili very much would want his own pet, Kili being a good little brother tried to arrange it. With a little help from a nice lad and a kinder egg.   
  
Unfortunately while Fili would happily keep a baby dragon or some other monsterish creature for a pet, the being inside the egg was just too much even for him.   
  
The brave little warrior Dwarf who does not hesitate to face down Orcs, Goblins, Killer Rabbits or giant furnaces with wings found here something that made him want to bravely run away.   
  
Will he be able to recover form the terror, or has his longing for a pet finally died?   
  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili…

 


	23. part23

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 23  
  
Long have Fili and Kili longed for their Uncle Thorin to join them. They have dutifully checked their calendar every day in the hope that he will hurry up.   
  
Now, during Easter it appeared that luck was truly with them. Due to an immense act of kindness, and an egg shaped barrel.   
  
When did the Easter-Bunny start leaving barrels?  
And what will they find inside the barrel? Will it be apples….?   
Is their waiting finally over?  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili…..

 

 

 


	24. part 24

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 24  
  
Having found their Uncle Thorin in the Easter barrel Kili and Fili have kept busy trying to help him out. The plastic weapons they were supplied with were however quite ineffective. Something that really wasn’t that surprising.  
  
Fili however is a good scout and in favour of knives, big knives and many knives so he was not at a loss for long but instead sought to find a more effective tool.  
  
Will Sting be enough to break Thorin out?  
  
Stay tuned for the next adventure of Kili and Fili…

 


	25. part 25

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 25  
  
Since Bilbo was kind enough to loan them an oversized, and insanely sharp, version of Sting Kili and Fili were able to break their Uncle Thorin out of the box.   
  
What kind of cruel creature who put him in there in the first place have not yet been discovered, but they reassured me that they’ve put Nori on finding out…   
  
At the moment the family have at least been happily re-united and Thorin was very pleased to see his nephews again, though perhaps not quite as please to find out a few things they have been up to in his absence.   
  
What will Fili and Kili do next?  
  
Will their Uncle be able to keep them in check?  
  
Have anyone seen Balin or Dwalin, and where there any apples in the barrel???  
  
Stay tuned for the next adventure of Fili and Kili….

 


	26. part 26

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 26  
  
Fili and Kili were able to successfully break their uncle Thorin out of the evil plastic container. Having accomplished this they returned the oversized sting to the closest Bilbo they could find.   
  
Now that their Uncle is with them they turned their attention to the next task of immense importance.  
  
What could be as important as their Uncle Thorin?   
  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili…

 

 


	27. part 27

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 27  
  
While still on sugar high from the Easter candy Kili and Fili managed to get their hands on a strawberry cupcake. This confectionary turned out be quite big enough for their appetites.  
  
Unfortunately it would appear that they are not the only ones to seek such a treat.   
  
Who would be foolish enough to steal their cupcake?   
  
Is strawberry cupcake better than chocolate?   
  
Stay tuned for the next adventures of Fili and Kili…

 


	28. part 28

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 28  
  
Kili and Fili were just going to enjoy the strawberry frosted cupcake that was so kindly donated to them. However the foul nasty creature often known as Gollum managed to distract them long enough to attempt theft of their confectionery.   
  
Will Gollum succeed in his theft?   
  
Will the Dwarves retrieve their cupcake?  
  
Who is spoiling the Dwarves first with barrels full of candy and now cupcakes?   
  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili…

 


	29. part 29

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 29  
  
Just as they were to dig into their treat Kili and Fili were subjected to the most foul crime of all. Grand theft of strawberry cupcake…   
  
The foul and evil creature Gollum desired their cupcake and would not rest until he had it in his fish smelling hand.   
  
Will Kili and Fili be able to get their cupcake back?  
  
Will it smell of fish?  
  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili….

 


	30. part 30

**The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 30**  
  
By the use of their steel Kili and Fili were able to get their cupcake back from the evil creature Gollum. And by the use of some strong detergent they were able to free it from the smell of fish. Now, normally this would mean they were free to enjoy their treat, but there are many who would like to steal it from them.   
  
Who would knowingly steal a stolen cupcake?   
  
Will they be able to see who it is?  
  
Will the cupcake still taste of detergent?   
  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili…

 


	31. part 31

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 31  
  
Fili and Kili were subjected to grand theft cupcake not just once but twice. Even after they had defeated Gollum parts of their cupcake vanished mysteriously right in front of their eyes.   
  
Luckily Fili is a very clever Dwarf who remembers that he has watched the Fellowship of the Ring and managed to make his own deduction based on events there. Hence the cupcake thief could be identified and apprehended.   
  
Kili however was greatly saddened by this foul crime.   
  
Will Fili be able to comfort Kili?   
  
Will they finally be allowed to enjoy their delicious strawberry icing cupcake?   
  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili…

 

 


	32. part 32

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 32  
  
The conclusion of the cupcake theft, as this stunning drama is coming to an end it appears as if Fili and Kili will finally be able to hold any and all cupcake-thieving elements at bay long enough to get at least a taste of their own cupcake.   
  
At least if this is to be judged by the smears of pink icing on their coats and weapons.   
  
Was the treat worth the effort?  
  
Will they be able to get another cupcake?  
  
How does pink taste?  
  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili…

 

 

 

 


	33. part 33

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 33  
  
Fili for some unknown reason has been quite firm about acquiring his very own camera. To this purpose he found a Nikon Amazon D3100 that he proclaimed himself in love with. He also began hoarding gold and silver meant to purchase said camera. Kili rather thought he was a wee bit nuts but was willing to help him being the good little brother that he is.   
  
Once Fili had enough gold he took it down to the camera store and walked out the proud new owner of a Nikon Amazon, even if it took a while to count out the correct amount of gold, silver and odd bits of coloured paper in the store.   
  
As soon as he dragged it back home he started trying to use it, discovering that he needed Kili’s help as it was a little large for him to handle on his own. Even so, it didn’t take him long to get the hang of it and he took a quite nice photo.   
  
How did a three inch Dwarf manage a huge camera?   
  
How did Fili with the help of Kili manage to take a photo of Fili and Kili?   
  
Why were four cameras involved in the photo taking….?   
  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili…

 

 

 

 


	34. part 34

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 34  
  
In which Fili and Kili make an unpleasant discovery. They are not alone….  
  
There is more than one Fili and Kili in the world, and this is something our Dwarves finds quite disconcerting. They had never thought that there might be others of them. Luckily Thorin is close by keeping an eye on the sons of his sister so they do not have to face it alone.  
  
Who are these new Fili and Kili’s?  
  
Where did they come from?  
  
Why is there more Fili and Kili but no Bifur, Bofur or Bombur?  
  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili….

 

 

 


	35. part 35

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 35  
  
Fili and Kili had just found out that they were not alone, that there were many copies although they did not have a plan.  
  
The lads were however relieved after their uncle assured them they’d always be the first ones in his heart. The New Fili and Kili witnessing this quickly decided that it was something they wanted as well and thought it would be quite nice to be released. Even if they might have wished that freedom did not come at sword point.  
  
Will the new Fili and Kili be welcomed?  
  
Will the new and old Fili and Kili get along?  
  
Did anyone spot the reference to Battlestar Galactica?  
  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili….. (Both old and new… )

 

 


	36. Chapter 36

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 36  
  
Having found out that there were more of them Fili and Kili decided that they needed a little time to themselves and took a nice quiet evening outside. Lighting a fire and generally enjoying themselves. They were not at all deterred by the fact that traces of snow lingered, but managed in spite of it to build a very nice and warm fire that they were only too happy to share with their private photographer, who was a little more bothered by lying in the snow to take the pictures.   
  
What will the neighbours say about midnight fires in the neighbourhood?   
  
What is the fire regulations for Dwarves?   
  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili…

 


	37. Chapter 37

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 37  
  
Fili and Kili quite enjoyed themselves with the fire they built in the backyard, but found it was quite chilly inside afterwards. Ori therefore tried to explain to them that a knitted cardigan might not be a bad idea. He did however have to explain that knitting is something that is not done with swords.  
  
Kili and Fili were a little sceptical but decided that everything was worth trying, and that no warrior backs down from a challenge. Thus they found a pair of knitting needles, miniature dwarf size, and some yarn.  
  
Will they be able to knit a garment?  
  
Will the yarn get tangled?  
  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili….

 


	38. Chapter 38

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 38  
  
While working on their knitted afghan, Kili and Fili decided it was time they had something to eat. Luckily for them in this place, junk food is always at hand and the servings are plenty big enough even for a hungry Dwarf.   
Even two hungry Dwarves can have their fill, if you’re lucky enough to find a stash of hidden American junk food.   
  
Is a Yankie bar really considered food?  
  
Will a pair of redneck Dwarves eat a Yankie bar?  
  
Y’all stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Kili and Fili, ya hear….

 


	39. Chapter 39

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 39  
  
As Fili and Kili sought to enjoy their delicious Yankie bar it was pointed out by so called ‘health freaks’ that it was not a healthy thing to do at all. While Fili happily argued the point that it was a very tasty thing to do, Kili decided that perhaps it was possible to find another treat.   
  
Dragging his brother along into the garden he checked the trees for fruit, but alas neither the apple tree nor the cherry tree bore fruit yet. The pear tree however had a very nice shiny apple in it, although apples do not wander, it would appear they to can get lost… So far no other explanation for the apple being in the pear tree has been given….   
  
Kili didn’t really question his good fortune either but decided the first thing was to get the apple down to where he could enjoy it. Fili, for some reason not yet covered in the movie declared that he would rather not eat it, but as the good big brother that he is he was still willing to help Kili.   
  
Will Kili and Fili be able to get it down?  
  
Will Fili get something to eat while Kili enjoys the apple?   
  
Will they find out what the apple was doing in the pear tree?  
  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili….

 

 

 

 

 


	40. Chapter 40

The Adventures of Fili and Kili, part 40  
  
Since Fili still refuses to eat apples, or anything that has apples in it Kili decided that he should be nice to him and find him something else that was not apple. Asking a nice chap he knew by the name of Anders he found out about Lemon and Vodka ice cream. By a very generous gift he was also able to acquire some of this treat for his brother.   
  
While Kili enjoyed the apple, Fili was thus able to enjoy ice cream with a lemon and vodka sauce.   
  
Will the ice cream melt?   
  
Can Dwarves get drunk on lemon and vodka ice cream?  
  
Stay tuned for the next thrilling adventure of Fili and Kili….

 

 

 

 


End file.
